"2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. (Romans 12:2 NKJV)"
When I had no where to turn but to God, I realized my fault was relying on the world to make me happy. I surrounded myself with people who also found joy in worldly things rather than filling their hearts with the love of God. After all, I have come to find that God is the definition of love. And loving him more than anything of the world, and allowing Him to fill your life with His love will allow you to then love yourself. Having a mental illness like I have, (may explain in another post), has been a huge struggle in the past as well. So many questions have popped into my head as to why certain things have happened to me, why I have the problems that I do, how I am supposed to face these throughout life, and how to overcome them. Questioning why and how and when also causes me to fall back into a cycle of a depressive state and not clinging to God when I should have.
Step one of finding my happy was turning away from worldly things, distancing myself from people that may not have been the worst of influences but also did not bring me closer to God, and to stop asking so many questions and instead put all of my faith and trust in God. I learned to do these things at a very young age, when I was going through the worst times of my life this far. Going into high school, I still struggled with my issue of mental illness. Some months I was extremely happy, social, I prayed nonstop and constantly conversed with God. Then other times I would fall back into a trap of getting in my own head. With time and with age I have learned to overcome those obstacles to the best of my ability by having faith and letting God be in control.
"4 You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. (I John 4:4 NKJV)"
I often read this verse when I was feeling inadequate and confused about life. Knowing that the power of my God lives within me allows me know that I can overcome any obstacle. Coming back to the middle of high school, I had really good months and really bad months mentally. On the outside you would never had thought I was in the state I was. I was a cheerleader, I went to church every Sunday and Wednesday, I was really active in a youth group, I spent lots of time with my family, I have never partied, and I felt like a good person. So why wasn't I happy? I spent months being confused as I continued to be social every single day. I never let myself have enough time to stop and think about life.
But I stopped. I realized that I needed it to be just me and God for a while. During my most social and seemingly "happy" times I was also at my lowest points. So many times we try and fill our lives with activities and people and get so busy we don't make time for our relationship with God. Even though I was going to church daily my relationship with God was suffering. Having so many friends and so many plans left me feeling empty. But we as humans need earthly relationships, right? Correct. God puts different people in our lives at the right times to help us at that point in time. Whether that be teaching us a lesson, providing us with support and love, showing us a message, or anything else, those relationships don't always last as we grow. I have always felt as if I were on a different level of spiritual maturity as my friends. I didn't feel the need to be of the world. God was calling me closer to Him and further away from the world. And that's okay.
In other words, yes, I turned into a complete introvert. You can ask my best friend, Megan. It was a very interesting time. I did a one-eighty from my extroverted self. I did my best to cut out distractions from my relationship with God and put my focus on just Him and I. And for the first time in years I felt at peace with myself and with life. My mental status improved, my life was enjoyable, and my heart was truly happy. Just me and God. Sometimes we need to take a step back from the distractions of the world and focus on improving our relationship with Jesus. I found myself to be so much happier putting Him above anything else.
"1 To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven: (Ecclesiastes 3:1 NKJV)"
I have learned that every situation I am in is a part of God's perfect plan for me. Knowing that He has already seen the results makes me feel at peace and happy. Every terrible situation I've been in and through has shaped me into the Godly person I am today. The people that He has placed in my life to help me along the way were all a part of His plan. Each season in my life has been so different and I have grown and matured in my faith tremendously over the years. God has blessed me so much since I have been more obedient and trusting in Him. He has blessed my family by changing people, healing people physically and emotionally, and sending us angels in disguise. He has sent me my Andrew, one my greatest blessings, who helped me when I was at one of my low points and has made me so happier than ever. I thank God for letting me be a blessing to Him as well. God has brought me back closer to my family where I am my happiest and guiding me to a career path which brings me so much joy and purpose.
So, finding your happy takes time. A lot of it in some cases. Life is not always good. Going through difficult situations makes you stronger. Keeping God at the center and having faith and trust in Him will always result in blessings and happiness. Keep praying, keep looking within and changing yourself, keep growing spiritually, and keep loving like our God loves us. I have been so blessed by Him and I am truly happy. Shine His light! Life is beautiful. Happiness is found with Jesus. Have a blessed week.
